Tag Archive | Thought

You Are Beautiful

I got this off of another blog called…http://theanonymousdiva.wordpress.com

beautiful
My ex boyfriend and I broke up late last year.

The last few months have amounted to one of the most emotionally arduous times of my life, as I was left to cope with the aftermath of ending something I thought was set in stone. However, I hadn’t initially realized that the pain, the sadness and the sudden blast of insecurity that I was presented with stemmed from the actual relationship itself.

My ex boyfriend was verbally abusive and emotionally unstable, the extent to which is difficult to measure in a few short words. The psychological scars have made the healing process that much more convoluted, with numerous highs and lows along the way. The relationship and its inevitable end had atrophied my spirit. I was left lost, confused, resentful and, deeply hurt. I was broken.

The most debilitating outcome of a verbally abusive relationship is its fatal impact on one’s self esteem. I lost complete confidence in myself; from my decision making skills, to the ability to communicate properly, to my mannerisms, my accent, my vocabulary, my lifestyle, my cultural background and upbringing, to my friendships, my family and, the value of my life. Taking that back on one’s own terms is difficult due to the insidious nature of the abuse and the manipulation on the part of the abuser. In reality, my mind had already fully consumed the toxicity of the words.

How does one detoxify? Initially, I sought solace in the comfort of friends and family, I abided by healthy living guidelines, I read, I wrote, I listened to music, and I opened my heart to the healing properties of creativity and mindfulness.

But that wasn’t enough. I struggled. He popped sporadically and constantly into my stream of thoughts; he was everywhere. Every moment I thought I had achieved an inkling of happiness, I thought of him, and just like that, I’d remember the insults and viral words he spat to hinder my self-worth. My memory worked against me. Without fault, I’d delve deep into that feeling of worthlessness that I had grown accustomed to during our year-long relationship. I wasn’t healing. Something deeper, within me, had to change – the perception and belief in myself.

During this time, a colleague (mentor) of mine had been helping me daily in keeping me on track with staying positive, optimistic and confident. After one of many nightly conversations with him regarding my struggle, I arrived at work the next morning to find the following painted on the ceiling above my desk:

 

This was my colleague’s gift to me.

When I find feelings of sadness, anger and worthlessness creep up due to a memory of my ex boyfriend, I look up and repeat those words to myself. That is, I take myself back to that place which my colleague calls, “the truth.”

To those that currently struggle in abusive relationships and those that have struggled and are healing, remember that you are beautiful. As words will bring you down, words can also provide you with the means to rise above. Beauty does not lie in another’s control to affirm this for you. You just are. Believe it, and you are. Once you believe and forget that someone may have been convincing you of otherwise, you will find yourself moving forward and, fundamentally, healing. This is where I find myself right now and it’s a nice place to be. The right people, the right frame of mind and the personal self-worth that I control, are allowing me to heal.

Here is my mentor-ish affirmation for you, fellow survivors, to reference during those times you’re feeling down: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

 

Low Self-Esteem (for children)

How can you tell if your child has low-esteem

BY IMCONFIDENT ON MARCH 19, 2013

girl hold hands over face

Does your child have low-esteem?    Esteem is something that we learn starting in our early childhood.  Esteem is how we feel about ourselves.  It is an evaluation of our own worth.  We can develop good esteem if we live in a mostly positive environment surrounded by people who show love and appreciation towards us and others.  We can develop poor esteem if we live in a mostly negative environment surrounded by people who show little love and treat us badly.

If we have low esteem ourselves, we might not realize that our children also have low esteem.   Following is a quiz that will help you figure out if your child struggles with esteem issues.  It might help you understand yourself better also.

Have you ever heard your child say any of the following statements:

  • I’m stupid
  • I’m a loser
  • I’m too fat
  • I’m ugly
  • I don’t do anything right
  • Nobody likes me
  • I have no friends
  • I’m worthless

Does your child do any of the following:

  • Avoid group activities
  • Put themselves down
  • Blame others when they fail
  • Try to control or bully
  • Make excuses a lot
  • Always worry about what other people think
  • Think they aren’t important
  • Fear making mistakes or failing
  • Lie or cheat to win at something
  • Give up easily
  • Have no friends
  • Doesn’t talk about feelings
  • Want other people to fix their problems
  • Insecure about self
  • Believe they are always wrong
  • Easily influenced by peer pressure
  • Get into trouble

It is natural for children to feel bad about themselves sometimes, but if they feel this way a lot of the time, it might be a sign of serious problems.   Low esteem can be the cause or result of depression which can lead to serious problems in life.  If you feel that your child has low esteem, it would be a good idea to talk to your family doctor and discuss ways to build their esteem.   If you think that you have a problem with low esteem, discuss this with your doctor and work on building your own esteem, so you can help your child.

According to the National Mental Health Information Center, things that you (or your child) can do to raise self-esteem can include:

•Pay attention to your own needs and wants

•Take very good care of yourself and take time to do things you enjoy

•Get something done that you have been putting off

•Do things that make use of your own special talents and abilities

•Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself

•Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself

•Make your living space a place that honors the person you are

•Display items you find attractive or remind you of your achievements or of special times or people in your life

•Make your meals a special time

•Take advantage of opportunities to learn something new or improve your skills

•Begin doing those things that you know will make you feel better about yourself

•Do something nice for another person

•Make it a point to treat yourself well every day and give yourself rewards when you deserve them

It can also be helpful to change negative thoughts about yourself to positive ones, avoid using negative words, and develop positive affirmations.