Tag Archive | Support group





I got this off of a Facebook page that I go to when I can because I have Fibromyalgia….


Sometimes it is very hard to do both. Especially if you are like me and have to look at scars every day. I do my darndest to forgive him because I am a christian woman, but it is very hard to forgive and forget with the scars staring at you daily. What are your thoughts?


Starting My Recovery From Abuse

a new beginning

I don’t really like talking about my past a lot. But today I HAD to. And I am hoping that it will be the start of a new beginning of helping me to getting rid of the memories of my past.

Thanks to a wonderful person in my life I am now seeking help for getting rid of my memories. He understands what I am going through and lends me ALL of his support. Which in itself is kind of scary. I am not used to that. But it is getting better.

Today I went to go see a Behavioral Health specialist. I will not lie, it was VERY hard for me. She had me talk about things that took me years to to put out of my mind (so to speak). I felt a lot of anger that I had suppressed over the years. I felt ashamed because I am not that kind of person at all. But she told me to let it all out. That keeping it in is bad. I told her I don’t want to remember, that it was bad enough that I had to look at the scars every day. I started shaking, and trembling with anger, and I told her everything that happened all through out my life. I have been abused in one way shape or form since day one of my life until 2 years ago. 

My therapist told me that she is amazed that I am still standing and taking control of my life. And that it will take a long time but that I WILL get through this. No more nightmares…no more flashbacks…..no more depression….and no more crying spells due to the abuse. She PROMISED me.

But for now she gave me HOMEWORK. Can you imagine a 41 year old having homework…lol. #1 – I am supposed to write my second ex a LONG letter explaining what he did to me and how it made me feel. And how it has affected my life. And at the end of the letter I am supposed to write…LET IT GO, I AM AT PEACE! I don’t think I will be at peace after the letter but will give it a try.

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Helping Family or Friends Deal with the Trauma and Stress After They Leave Their Abuser

The emotional aftermath of traumatic events

Such disasters shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless and vulnerable in a dangerous world. Whether or not you were directly impacted by the traumatic event, it’s normal to feel anxious, scared, and uncertain about what the future may bring.

Usually, these unsettling thoughts and feelings fade as life starts to return to normal. You can assist the process by keeping the following in mind:

People react in different ways to traumatic events. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to think, feel, or respond. Be tolerant of your own reactions and feelings, as well as the reactions and feelings of others. Don’t tell yourself (or anyone else) what you should be thinking, feeling, or doing.

Avoid obsessively thinking about the disastrous event. Repetitious thinking about fearful or painful experiences can overwhelm your nervous system trigger making it harder to think clearly and act appropriately.

Ignoring your feelings will slow the healing process. It may seem better in the moment to avoid experiencing your emotions, but they exist whether you’re paying attention to them or not. Even intense feelings will pass if you simply allow yourself to feel what you feel—and you’ll feel better afterwards.

Talking about what you feel may be difficult, but it will help you heal. Just as you may find it difficult to face your feelings head on, you may also find it difficult to express those feelings to others. But getting them out is essential. Talking with a calm, caring person is best, but expressing your feelings through journaling, art, and other creative outlets can also help.

Common reactions to trauma

Following a traumatic event, it’s normal to feel a wide range of intense emotions and physical reactions. These emotional reactions often come and go in waves. There may be times when you feel jumpy and anxious, and other times when you feel disconnected and numb.

Normal emotional responses to traumatic events

  • Shock and disbelief – you may have a hard time accepting the reality of what happened
  • Fear – that the same thing will happen again, or that you’ll lose control or break down
  • Sadness – particularly if people you know died
  • Helplessness – the sudden, unpredictable nature of natural disasters and accidents may leave you feeling vulnerable and helpless.
  • Guilt – that you survived when others died, or that you could have done more to help or prevent the situation.
  • Anger  – you may be angry at God or others you feel are responsible
  • Shame – especially over feelings or fears you can’t control
  • Relief –you may feel relieved that the worst is over, and even hopeful that your life will return to normal

Normal physical stress responses to traumatic events

The symptoms of traumatic stress are not just emotional—they’re also physical. It’s important to know what the physical symptoms of stress look like, so they don’t scare you. They will go away if you don’t fight them:

  • Trembling or shaking
  • Pounding heart
  • Rapid breathing
  • Lump in throat; feeling choked up
  • Stomach tightening or churning
  • Feeling dizzy or faint
  • Cold sweats
  • Racing thoughts

Trauma recovery tip 1: Seek comfort and support

Traumatic events turn your world upside down and shatter your sense of safety. In the aftermath, taking even small steps towards restoring safety and comfort can make a big difference.

Being proactive about your own and your family’s situation and well-being (rather than passively waiting for someone else to help you) will help you feel less powerless and vulnerable. Focus on anything that helps you feel more calm, centered, and in control.

Reestablish a routine

There is comfort in the familiar. After a traumatic experience, getting back—as much as possible—to your normal routine, will help you minimize traumatic stress, anxiety, and hopelessness. Even if your work or school routine is disrupted, you can structure your day with regular times for eating, sleeping, spending time with family, and relaxing.

Do things that keep your mind occupied (read, watch a movie, cook, play with your kids), so you’re not dedicating all your energy and attention to the traumatic event.

Connect with others

You may be tempted to withdraw from social activities and avoid others after experiencing a traumatic event. But it’s important to stay connected to life and the people who care about you. Support from other people is vital to recovery from traumatic stress, so lean on your close friends and family members during this tough time.

  • Spend time with loved ones.
  • Connect with other survivors of the traumatic event or disaster.
  • Do “normal” things with other people, things that have nothing to do with the disaster.
  • Participate in memorials, events, and other public rituals.
  • Take advantage of existing support groups: your church, community organizations, and tight-knit groups of family and friends.

Challenge your sense of helplessness

Trauma leaves you feeling powerless and vulnerable. It’s important to remind yourself that you have strengths and coping skills that can get you through tough times.

One of the best ways to reclaim your sense of power is by helping others. Taking positive action directly challenges the sense of helplessness that contributes to trauma:

  • comfort someone else
  • volunteer your time
  • give blood

If I may add a note here…..BE PATIENT. There will be alot of crying, alot of nightmares, afraid of going outside, severe depression…etc. In MY experience the best thing you can do for your friend or family member is to be there for them. Lend them an ear….lend them a shoulder to cry on. Offer support…..get them help. Just be patient and go at a slow pace. I left my abuser 7yrs ago and I still get nightmares and look over my shoulders….but I am not afraid to go outside anymore. My point is it takes time. And the time depends on the severity of the abuse.

Moving On Emotionally After Physical Abuse

The link that I got this information from is: http://www.thehotline.org/2012/05/emotionally-recovering-from-an-abusive-relationship

Your emotional safety is just as important as your physical safety. Dealing with the aftermath of abuse can be a very challenging experience, especially on your mind and heart. The emotional scars of domestic abuse can stay with victims long after they have left the relationship. Following these tips may help you maintain your emotional health after leaving.

  • Identify things that help you calm down — taking a warm bath, reading a book or taking deep breaths can help you de-stress
  • Remind yourself why you left — journaling about your abuse can help you remember the reasons that you left and can be particularly helpful if you’re having second thoughts about leaving
  • Identify a call buddy for when you’re missing your ex — talking to a friend can help you resist the urge to reach out to your ex when you’re down
  • Talk to a counselor or join a domestic abuse survivor’s therapy group
  • Talk to your family or friends — community members and neighbors can also be a good resource
  • When an anniversary, birthday, holiday, etc. is coming up, prepare yourself — try to make other plans, set a strong support group in place to help you through emotional times
  • Give yourself time and space — recovery is hard so go easy on yourself. Don’t put a time limit on getting past your pain. It’s ok to grieve. Even though it was an abusive relationship, it is still a loss. You are allowed to feel what you feel at your pace.
  • Be conscious of your emotional routines — maybe your partner was your go-to person when something went wrong. You’ll have to change not only your physical routines (see previous post) but also your mental routines. You will have to find new coping mechanisms. This may take time but you can do it.

Remember, advocates at The Hotline are always ready to take your call if you need help or support. 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or (206) 787-3224 (Video Phone Only for Deaf Callers)