Personal Post

I have been so frustrated lately with my health. It is getting worse, and I just want to go back to the days when I was the happy go lucky, could do anything person. 

I have a hard time moving around and they have upped my medicine AGAIN. So I stay sick, and dizzy and nauseous! I try to stay positive about everything and take one day at a time but some days I just want to scream. And this all started after my abusive husband! I just want him to have a fraction of what I go through and I guarantee he would go crying to his mother like a big ole baby.

I wish I could get inside men’s heads and figure out why they think it is necessary to beat on and belittle women. Cause if it is to try to make themselves seem like they “are the man” then I have news for them, all it does is make them look like an idiot!  

I will get off my soap box and let everyone to enjoy their day. 



3 thoughts on “Personal Post

  1. Hi, Sandi. I am sorry you are having so much trouble with your health. Like you I am having issues from old injuries from Kevin. I feel fortunate though that once I was able to walk around without the cane, most days unless *I* overdo it, it’s tolerable. Lately, however, the kick in my lower back / tailbone area has been giving me major grief, as I have a sedentary job. Getting up and fidgeting around only helps so much.

    And today, I was the genius of the universe and helped my parents clean up a TON of debris from fallen trees on their property. We had a storm come through when we were at dinner last night and came home to a tree twice the height of my father’s two story house and one close to that height down at opposite ends of the property. I just came in from sawing and hauling and raking since 8 this morning, and my hips and legs are already freezing up on me, swelling, and burning like crazy. And the bigger of the two trees is still waiting for attention, but it just isn’t happening for me.

    I was a healthy 31 year old when Kevin moved in with me. At 32, I started walking with a cane because of damage from injuries inflicted by his trusty metal bar. Had he allowed me to get medical attention, it probably wouldn’t not have been so bad. I suggested going to the hospital several times, and I was punished for it because he didn’t want to go to jail.

    I don’t have to ask that question you posed about what makes me think it’s necessary, because Kevin answered that question sufficiently for himself. While I believe that some men become this way because they live what they were surrounded by as children and some have anger issues, I also believe that many of them are narcissists who trip on the power and control they feel by wielding their fists to beat their women into submission. Kevin told me many times that he viewed me as his property and he felt that meant he could do as he pleased. He also said that women deserved it now and then. I know the cause of Kevin’s abuse is really that he is just a monster. There must be something in there resembling a human being somewhere, but I fail to recognize it.

    I think if the cause of your health issues were something inherited or caused by a traumatic injury from, let’s say a car accident, it wouldn’t be so emotionally burdensome for you. The emotional confusion and frustration would still be there to a degree, but Sandi, don’t be so hard on yourself, hon! This WAS DONE TO YOU by a beast. All you can do now is try to get some kind of medical help and try to do things that don’t push you so far past your limits. You are human, after all!

    You are going to have days where the frustration of what you are suffering with is unbearable, and if you need to vent on those days, you go right ahead and do it. No one has a right to say otherwise unless they can stand in your shoes. It’s a different monster altogether once you’ve lived it.

    I am not too familiar with fibromyalgia (if I remembered correctly) and treatment options. I don’t know if there really are many effective ones that work for a lot of people consistently. But are your doctors just drugging up because they are being lazy? Are there physical exercises that could help, etc? Or is it truly that insidious that you just have to suffer through it?

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Try to enjoy your day today. And I hope they are able to find something for you that HELPS you instead of making you feel worse.

    • Most days I can handle the emotional part….I go play with my dogs and cat and that helps some. But days like the other day I just feel the need to vent a little (sorry guys). The Dr. told me that my condition was brought on by him. I was hit in the head so much that my eye sight is horrible and I get tremendous migraines. Yes, I have been and will continue to seek medical attention…but the medicine that they have me on, make me feel like a zombie the majority of days. That is why I can’t post like I used to ( again…sorry guys). I am just dealing with things one day at a time, and trying to see my Brighter Tomorrows.

  2. I am so sorry to hear about the setback in your health Sandi…
    Its so sad especially that the pains and trauma you are going through are caused by another human who probably now is walking around with no pain…
    You are in my prayers and I will also encourage you to try process and let go of the hurt and sad memories of those dark days….hard and almost inpossible as it may sound, this will help you recover quick…
    You don’t deserve any of this and no man has any excuse to treat a lady or any human or animal for that matter in a cruel manner…

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