Emotional Abuser

English: Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

English: Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I got this off of a Facebook page called Abuse No More. 


Emotional abusers are very insidious – some of them are much harder to spot than others, because they mingle their abuse in between acts of generosity, and often employ emotionally manipulative tactics, and passive-aggressive behavior. Not all emotional abusers overtly belittle and verbally harangue their partners – some are much more perfidious and as such, their partners may not realize that the source of their distress and an unease over the relationship has been coming from abuse for quite some time.

The longer a person remains under the grip of an emotional abuser, the more they will start to question themselves, your actions and your beliefs. It is the abuser’s goal to make you believe that you deserve this cruelty and that only through you actions can you make it stop. It is their intent to get you to feel that you are the cause of any relationship problems, and that their (abusive) behavior is simply a response to you, and therefore acceptable. It is true, that only through your actions can you make it stop – you must have the courage to leave the relationship and avoid further contact with the abuser.



6 thoughts on “Emotional Abuser

  1. It’s SO true. My ex made EVERY problem in our relationship MY problem. Even though they were all HIS. What makes it so difficult is known that our relationship would have been amazing if he was able to process emotions in a healthy way. That was the biggest challenge…realizing that the abuse was a LARGE part of the relationship and not just a small issue that could be potentially worked out. Even if he eventually decides to get help…I deserve someone who has NEVER been abusive in ANY way.

    • Well Ms. Diva ~ I learned the hard way that my ex had to want help. He drank and did drugs like crazy. I put him in Whitfield 3 times and it didn’t sink in. He says that he has changed and that he is a better man and that he has learned from me leaving how to be a better man and that he wants me back but after all I’ve been through I don’t trust him and I just tell him well I’m glad you have changed and the next lady will be a lucky woman. It took me a long time after him to find someone who treats me with respect and dignity, and doesn’t cuss at me, or raise his voice, or hit me. He understands my past and is very patient with me. So it is possible. We just have to give ourselves time. We as women, like you said, deserve someone who will NOT abuse us in ANY way shape or form.

  2. Pingback: Abuse Without Excuse « Brandon Bored

  3. Wow, How long after you left him did he say that he has changed and wants you back? How long were you with him? I was only with my ex for 2 and a half years but it was an intense 2 and a half years. I find this concept to be the most difficult for me. I know what my ex and I had (under the abuse, so it doesn’t really count) was amazing I know for a fact that nobody had ever gotten as close to him as I did. His family was my family, and they let me know how closed off my ex was until he met me. I sent him two emails stating the fact that he was verbally abusive in our relationship. His response was an apology yet an excuse as to why he was like that ( of course it was my fault). I haven’t heard from him since. I feel that I will hear from him in the future, but I’m kind of fearful that I won’t. I want to be able to shut him down, I want to make him realize that HE was the problem. I think that’s something every person who has been through what we have wants. The important thing is that I know he will NEVER be happy with ANYBODY. I’d say I’m about 85% of the way there. However, I feel like that last 15% is going to be the toughest. I’m so happy you have a man who treats you just like you should be treated; like a lady :).

    xo Hope ox

    • Well Ms. Diva ~

      My response to this is kind of long….hope you don’t mind. 🙂 I was with him for 3 months then I left him and went back home. He kept calling me and telling me that he was changing and that he loved me and missed me so I went back. He asked me to marry him. I take marriage seriously, so I thought that he REALLY changed. Well once I signed my name on the dotted line that is when things really changed. It was like he owned me. The marriage didn’t even last a year and I left. You can read MY STORY on my blog. It explains everything. It was about 3 months after I left that he started saying that he changed. Thing is he still won’t give me a divorce. And it has been 7 years. He says if he can’t have me no one will. I am thankful that I have a boyfriend that understands that marriage is just a piece of paper and it doesn’t bother him that I am not divorced. But it bothers me, and once I can afford it I WILL get my divorce. It bothers me A LOT to have his last name. I have also found out the hard way that they can apologize all they want, that is just a way to get you back under their wing so to speak. Once an abuser ALWAYS AN ABUSER. It is up to him to realize that HE has the problem. If you truly want to leave him you have to shut down all contact with him. Take all his power away. If you keep talking to him or writing to him….he still has power over you. If you ever want to talk feel free to email me. My email address is on my home page of my blog. Keep your chin up…..there are Brighter Days in your future.:)

  4. I posted this article on my Facebook page and this is what one of my friends had to say:

    “I used to be in a verbally abusive relationship. i thought i was losing my mind. one day he like this and then a week later he disliked that same thing. anyway we used to break up and i would stay away. then he would start calling . we would get back together and it would all start over again. it was a vicious cycle. it was like a scab that was almost healed and then once i saw him again it was an open sore wound all over again. i eventually got over it and him. and now i know what signs to look for in a relationship. i learned from it.”

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s