Flashbacks

I am sorry that I haven’t written or posted much lately, I have been dealing with flashbacks lately. I have been really jumpy and looking over my shoulder a lot. I have been having nightmares and just all-in-all having a bad last couple of days. I know that nothing is going to happen to me now…..but the things that have happened to me are so deeply imbedded into me that I can’t help feeling the things that I do. Any little noise, or quick movement and I am crying thinking of the situation the way that it was before and that it is fixing to happen again.

People just don’t understand how helpless and degraded and vulnerable and domestic violence victim feels. Sure they feel sorry for us. But we don’t want them to feel sorry for us, we NEED them to UNDERSTAND how we feel and help us to get away from the situation or to help us get the flashbacks to GO AWAY! 

I have started seeing a therapist about my abuse. And on the first day I get the feeling that he doesn’t care, he just wants to hear the main points give me meds and get me out so he can see someone else. No one wants to understand the pain.

I just sit in my own little world during the day and either write down my feelings and then throw them away or burn them…..that helps a lot but the nightmares….and the panic and anxiety attacks…and seeing the scars on my body every day just keep bringing every thing back.

I hope one of these days people who are trying to help will finally understand what it is to be us and how hard it is to leave and to talk 

English: Colin Henderson's winning design will...

English: Colin Henderson’s winning design will be displayed on T-shirts and other items at this year’s Domestic Violence Awareness Rally, which is scheduled for Oct. 17. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

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9 thoughts on “Flashbacks

  1. as i child, i grew up in an abuse household. my father would take his anger out on all of us– it would manifest in physical, mental, and swxual abuse.

    recently, i started to have dreams about my childhood. and depression was piled right on top of that (depression from the dreams, and my wife’s fourth miscarriage). so, i have found myself going back to my mental health doctor, and placed back on Prozac.

    i feel your pain. you will come through this.

  2. Hi,

    It must be horrible experiencing the flashbacks and the anxiety. It can take a long time to heal from abuse but it is possible.
    I’m in Australia and there is an amazing service over here run by Mary Jo McVeigh…google Cara House and check out the website, she does amazing work with kids and adults who have survived trauma. This service is amazing and actually get not just the impact emotionally, mentally and physically but also what abuse does to your spirit and perception of the world and yourself.
    Mary Jo is renowned for her work in the psychobiology of trauma and of recovery, hope and resilience.
    You could do a google search on this stuff. It might help to understand why your body heart and mind are reacting at times the way that they do.
    These are just some of the things that have helped me immensely. The wisdom of Mary Jo and the healing of Cara House have been a lifeline for me.
    I still have bad days but I’m starting to feel joy again, starting to feel safe again and starting to feel ok in my own skin again.
    I wish you all the best on your journey and am sending you love, hope and blessings.

    Take care,

    Bek

    You might also be interested in researching

    • Thank you so much for your informational comment Bek. It is greatly appreciated. If you don’t mind, I will also share your comment and link on my Life After Abuse, A Brighter Tomorrow Facebook page. The more information there is out there the better. Lately the flashbacks and anxiety have been horrible, that is why I haven’t been on much. I’m glad that you are finally seeing the “Brighter Tomorrow’s”. Again thank you for sharing your comment. Have a great day!

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