I am sorry that I haven’t written or posted much lately, I have been dealing with flashbacks lately. I have been really jumpy and looking over my shoulder a lot. I have been having nightmares and just all-in-all having a bad last couple of days. I know that nothing is going to happen to me now…..but the things that have happened to me are so deeply imbedded into me that I can’t help feeling the things that I do. Any little noise, or quick movement and I am crying thinking of the situation the way that it was before and that it is fixing to happen again.
People just don’t understand how helpless and degraded and vulnerable and domestic violence victim feels. Sure they feel sorry for us. But we don’t want them to feel sorry for us, we NEED them to UNDERSTAND how we feel and help us to get away from the situation or to help us get the flashbacks to GO AWAY!
I have started seeing a therapist about my abuse. And on the first day I get the feeling that he doesn’t care, he just wants to hear the main points give me meds and get me out so he can see someone else. No one wants to understand the pain.
I just sit in my own little world during the day and either write down my feelings and then throw them away or burn them…..that helps a lot but the nightmares….and the panic and anxiety attacks…and seeing the scars on my body every day just keep bringing every thing back.
I hope one of these days people who are trying to help will finally understand what it is to be us and how hard it is to leave and to talk